you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
