And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
