I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
