Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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