Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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