god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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