I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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