i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
