Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do herpes really smell.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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