i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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