Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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