she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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