Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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