I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
