In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
