Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
