I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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