You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
