this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The air was thick with penises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
