I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
