I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, beer. Big fan.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
