He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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