Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
