Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
