so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he puts the penis in happiness.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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