just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
