Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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