I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
