Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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