Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
