You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
