I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
