Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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