i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this beer tastes like vomit already
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
