How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
