dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
