i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
