waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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