Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
