My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
