You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
