Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do vagina's smell?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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