marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
