There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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