I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
