Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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