If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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