Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
