dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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