I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
