remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
