Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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