I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
