My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
