Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
