You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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