I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
