That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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