Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
