soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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