I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
