i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
