I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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