My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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