Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
