I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
