He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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