even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
