hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
