ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
