every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
