Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
