I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
