you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
