Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
