Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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