he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
