I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
