420 ftw
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
