you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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