Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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