If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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